A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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