First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
