Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
