i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
