she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
