Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i think i have two assholes
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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