At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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