I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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