You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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