Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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