we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
