i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
