Walk of Shame. In a state park.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
