sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
