dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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