when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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