I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
