Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
