I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
