you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
