Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The uberlube is also flammable
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
