Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
