If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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