my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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