You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Randomize
