we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
