Umm I'm too high to move.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
