I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
