So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
