I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
