WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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