he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
FUCK WHALES
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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