I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
you had me at cake vodka
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
