We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
the liver wants what the liver wants
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
