I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
