I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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