Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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