$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
This girl is more easily done than said...
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
