i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
