Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
