So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
