Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
