Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
