On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
