So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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