She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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