Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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