Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
