I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
