So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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