Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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