How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
