Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
