something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
