drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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